I've been "thinking" a lot lately, probably too much!! I've had trouble writing because my head has been so full of so many different thoughts. I think a week or so ago when I realized that people actually "read" what I write here, it pulled me back into myself a little bit. Not sure why I felt that way. Lately I've been thinking about "changes" in my life. I was like so many others, did the usual stuff when I was young. Went to college, got married, had kids, worked part time in a grocery store until I got robbed at gun point which ended that exciting career, all the usual things we do. I always thought my life would be "regular". I always liked "regular"! And "regular" means like everyone else, the usual stuff. You get married, you buy a house, have some kids and you live happily ever after. I did get married, and get a house, and have three kids and wanted a fourth but my Mr. Wonderful didn't want anymore, or so he said. And sadly, it wasn't always "happily ever after". I loved being a mom, and spending time with my kids. Mr.Wonderful wasn't quite as excited about raising kids as I was, but I loved it, still do. When my kids were all in elementary school, "we" or more like "I" opened Country Roads back in January of 1993. And with that, those changes began. Money was better, vacations were nice, and we left our first home to buy a bigger house in a fancy neighborhood. It's a story that everyone knows all too well. But like a lot of things, "change" does happen. Inside I was still humble, still pulling for the underdogs in life while Mr.Wonderful enjoyed completely different things. Money does things to people which was the case with him. So, as stories go, we divorced, it was ugly, and our "perfect" lives were turned upside down. The big fancy house was sold, and I was able to buy a house in a "regular" neighborhood which I love. And through it all, you somehow muster up the strength to pull yourself together and move on. My kids grew up just fine, even with a few stumbles along the way! And considering everything they have been through, I couldn't be prouder of them all. They have given me a couple of beautiful grandbabies as well, Riley and Morgan. They mean the world to me and I've got another grandbaby due in July as well! I like this role of "Gramma", it suits me well. I never understand when women tell me they hate to me called "Gramma". Bryce, Justine and Morgan live with me. Years ago would I have thought about my kids having kids and living with me? Probably not, but actually I like it and they help me pay the bills. And Katie, Vinnie, and Riley are living in my parents house, in the house I grew up in, although its been remodeled. They bought it after my parents died. We take Riley "trick or treating" on the same streets I walked as a child her age.Brande is living down in Seal Beach and gets to enjoy the ocean every day. She enjoys her nieces, her freedom, and always has a hundred things and projects going on at once!! I am blessed, I'm lucky to have "family" in my life, to have a store like Country Roads which is also a big part of my family! I'm also blessed to "accept" CHANGE so easily. You've got a choice in life when you get tossed in the ocean, you either sink or swim! I chose to swim and as I paddle along in this journey of mine, I accept CHANGE, I welcome it. I "think" it keeps you young. Tomorrow my kids are going to a birthday party. It is Mr.Wonderful's "baby boy's" first birthday! He re-married awhile back. Who would have thought at their ages they would have a baby. But who am I to judge, not my journey to travel, that is his and his wife's journey as older parents. What I love about MY family is they too "accept" change and just roll along with it as well. I think about Riley starting pre-school soon, Morgan's first birthday coming up in a few months, and about my brand new grandbaby due in July and I again welcome CHANGE! I loved when I was in my thirties, and I have to admit, I also love being in my fifties. Guess it goes back to that sink or swim theory, and for me, I keep swimming one stroke at a time. Here's the lyrics to Stevie's song that I've been humming to myself lately!

Landslide. . . .

I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Till the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky - What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know, I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
Because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older, too

So, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down


Teresa said...

Our journeys have been so similar, I feel like I know you so well, like you are my sister... like we're riding the same train...

So much that I've been through, but all I think about is how thankful I am for what I have right here and now.

but why can't I stop crying today>??

Kate said...

Oh Sue this post hit so me so hard this morning. Our lives have some parallel and common roads. I really love your writing and yes I read every word. At times I'm laughing and others like today its bittersweet. Thank you for sharing your journey, it means a lot to me more than I can really say in the comment section. You again have blessed my heart.

Have a wonderful day as beautiful as you are!!!

Malisa said...

Oh, my, I can tell you are introspective today! Isn't it strange how those feelings surface from time to time? You and Teresa...two of my absolute favorites...a little on the melancholy side today. Well, cheer up, sistas! You are both two of the strongest women I know! And that is why you are my buds!

Your family is beautiful and you should be very proud that you did it independently! I can't think of a more perfect arrangement than having the kids and grandkids close by! I know the nearness is challenging, but it is rewarding too! Thank you so much, Sue, for sharing your thoughts today...for sharing your heart always!

Tanza said...

Hi Sue,
How true this is .. keep swimming along Sue .. You've done a beautiful job, and you have been richly blessed .. Great kids, beautiful babies, and you have the BeSt shoppe in towne !! How cool is that ?! You write soo well too, LoVe reading your thoughts .. Soo open and honest..Have a happy week-end ~