The Most Asked Question at Country Roads

Without a doubt, the most asked question asked at Country Roads is, "do you have a bathroom"! The sign above is right across from the counter which explains "yes we have a bathroom, with directions how to get to it" and the key is on the red stick below the fire extinguisher. People are desperate at times to find a bathroom, they interrupt customers, they do a pee-pee dance, they have to tell you what they just drank, all in just wanting to know if we have a bathroom. Then starts the directions, "the key is right behind you, under the fire extinguisher, and the bathroom is at the end of the last aisle (as we point) at the base of the stairs on your right". Then we start again, "no, it's on your other left, no it's not physically "under" the fire extinguisher, yes the red stick,with the key hanging on it" and then some wander off never to be seen again, while others run like hell fearing anal leakage as they've just told us, "I've been squeezing my butt cheeks together, I really gotta go". Thanks for sharing! This is the "warning sign" that is posted on the outside of the bathroom door, and two more copies of this sign are inside. The reason for "bathroom rules" is that several years ago there was a disgusting incident. A person, with amazing balance, managed to spray their stinky bodily function ALL over the walls, the back of the toilet, and on the sink. Outside of being disgusting, it was amazing the flexibility they must have had to do this. I cleaned it up, since I don't pay anyone nearly enough to be asked to do a job like that, and closed the bathroom for several years. I rented a portable outhouse and stuck it in the garden. When customers would ask, "do you have a restroom" I would smile and say, "yes, it's in the garden to your right". And they would wander off with visions of a lovely sweet smelling restroom in the garden. Of course no one expected a portable toilet that sometimes wasn't the most pleasant of bathroom experiences! So after the City got mad at me a couple of years ago and made me get rid of the portable (let's remember this is the City that has NO public restrooms) we got a brand new super flushing toilet, fresh paint, and stuck up warning signs all over. In other words, if we had another episode of "poop on the wall", we would close the bathroom forever!! You would think because of the popularity of our bathroom, we had this beautifully furnished restroom like Macy's or Nordstroms. Nope, ours is the size of a closet with a "fart fan". Nothing fancy at Country Roads. We always seem to have to make new signs or rules when something happens more than just a few times. This sign is for all the customers that go to the bathroom and then decide to shop while carrying the nasty bathroom key with them. In other words, they "tour" Country Roads with the bathroom key preventing all the others that are squeezing their butt cheeks together from using our lovely restroom facility! The other day we "almost" had to close the bathroom for good again. We had an incident. A customer came to the counter, sort of holding the back of her pants, reporting that she had sat on a, what word shall I use, let's say she had sat on a turd on the toilet seat! Doesn't it makes you wonder, wouldn't you sort of glance at a public bathroom toilet seat before you place your butt on it? The woman insisted that Katie and Pam go see what she was talking about. Of course NO one wants to go see THAT. I was thankfully off that day and Katie had called me to "report" the incident. I asked her how big the turd was, to which she asked Pam who reported "it was about the size of a smashed Reece's Peanut Butter Cup", to which I started laughing hysterically! I could laugh because I wasn't there and didn't have to clean it up. And again, how can you not see a smashed peanut butter cup sized turd on a white toilet seat???? And I'm sure you figured out it was "smashed" because the lady sat on it! So, Katie and Pam were both gagging and refusing to remove the said "smashed peanut butter sized turd". Someone had to do the deed. Good ole Darcy, took on the role of the adult and removed the said turd from the toilet seat! Thanks Darc, you're a real trooper! Now when when customers ask us, "do you have a bathroom" we glance over the counter to see just how "tight" they are holding those butt cheeks of theirs together before we answer them! People share far tooooo much information. You know, Country Roads isn't just a job, it's a non-stop adventure daily!!


Brande said...

You know, now that I think about it, I have actually never seen the inside of our 'new' public restroom. I close my eyes whenever I pass it coming down the stairs.

And it's sad that you are blogging about bathrooms. Seriously.

Jacque said...

Oh my that was hilarious! I'm sure we shop owners could write a book with the "bathroom" stories. I love peanut butter cups, I think? Jacque

Sue said...

You don't think about it because you don't have to tell 100 people a day where the bathroom is or clean "smashed peanut butter cups" off the toilet seat! It truly is
"D-gusting"! MOM

Anonymous said...

Oh Sue
I loved your stories.
It reminded me of a job I had 20 yrs. ago.
I was hired as a supervisor for Expo 86 in Vancouver, B.C. Canada (I'm Canadian); They put us through such vigorous training about this and that and more facts and more painful hours of everything under the sun. What was the most asked question? You got it. Where's the fregin bathroom? Why didn't they just teach us where the bathrooms were?? DUH.
Oh but we had fun for 6 months & I still tell that story today.
Thanks for the laugh tonight.
Have a great weekend.
Love Claudie

Anonymous said...

Sue, that was hysterical! Poor Darcy for having to 'do the duty'... I will never look at a peanut butter cup the same, and will probably always think of you when I do.

I, for one, am grateful for your renovated restroom and don't miss the outdoor porta-potty at all. Tho it did give me a chance to wander through the gardens on my way...

See you soon!

Anonymous said...

OMG! I couldn't of asked for a funnier story to start off my morning. I can just picture Pam and Katie, ha ha ha and then Darcy coming to the rescue. What a story!

Malisa said...

Love the term "fart fan"! I have never heard that...but, believe me, I will be using it! I always wanted to own a pick porta potty which I would call...Canope! Get it? Can o pee? Oh, well. Thanks for the laugh today!